mosey-licious

time is a precious commodity in our culture. if you could sell it on ebay you would be filthy rich, that is until hallmark found a way to hijack your product in the name of sentimentality. especially during the hurried holiday season, people are always wishing for more time.

the ironic thing about ryder being in the nicu is that i have all sorts of time. for starters, there is 3 hours everyday when we are not allowed to visit (6:30-8:00 am and pm when they do shift changes). add to that a lot of miscellaneous sitting around and general waiting, and you have the perfect recipe for getting things done. i mean, here i am with all this time, i should be able to do all sorts of things i could or should be doing: read for class, journal, or whip up a spaghetti flambe.

in reality, however, whenever i find myself with extra time, my mind automatically fills the gaps with worst case scenarios regarding ryder's health (e.g. he will never leave the nicu, he will never be able to breast feed, he will wind up looking just like herman munster). beyond that, the only activities i seem to have the emotional, physical, or mental resources for are watching reruns of house on usa, visiting the vending machine that only gives me 5 cents change when it should give me 15, or writing semi-coherent blogs. some injustices in this world simply cannot be explained.

some highlights of the past 24 hours:

1. ryder is stable, making steady, if not slow, progress.
2. annie's milk is starting to come in already, which will be instrumental in helping ryder flourish once he is able to eat.
3. there was a particularly good episode of house on last night involving a dude with an adrenaline secreting tumor.

other things have been a bit tougher:

1. the pain from annie's c-section is even more severe than last time when she described it as "the worst pain i have ever felt". it is comparable to somebody digging steak knives into each shoulder, often bringing tears and near debilitation.
2. dr. house is not around to say anything sacrcastic that suddenly leads him to a helpful solution.

the nurse who was caring for ryder last night is named "milagros", which is spanish for "miracles". we currently find ourselves asking for a small one, that ryder will be able to come home with us when annie is scheduled to be discharged on monday. he seems to march to his own drum, taking his sweet time, refusing to be rushed or hurried. annie and i joked last night about how he may be the kid that forces our family to slow down a bit. that may be great at some point, but right now we are hoping he just hurries up and gets himself out in time for christmas.